…She is a little girl. She is British. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it’s called Charmmy Kitty.
Me: Da Fuck? So, Hello Kitty is not a cat, but is instead a little girl who dresses as a cat? Does she suffer from cutaneous photosensitivity colitis or haphephobia? Or severe social anxiety disorder? Or Body Dysmorphic Disorder?
Kotaku Spokesperson: “Hello Kitty was done in the motif of a cat. It’s going too far to say that Hello Kitty is not a cat. Hello Kitty is a personification of a cat.”
Me: Ergo, Hello Kitty is a fucking cat! And not only is she a cat but she enslaves other cats. Be about face and fall-way to the fucking-back with that extra special lofty ass note to the transatlantic slave trade bullshit.
My Dad: (watching tv) I hate Bluray!
Me: Bluray is a media format, not a pesky dark blue filter that film makers use to annoy you. You can’t watch Bluray on cable or dvd players.
My Dad: It makes everything blue. I hate Bluray!